New York
L.A.
Toronto
Chicago
Houston
Phoenix
Philly
San Antonio
San Diego
Dallas
San Jose
Austin
Jacksonville
it's a silly thing - when people love cities.
like a plumbler admiring a tube
because cities just do their thing, over and over.
Toronto though,
hear me out -
I moved to Toronto in 2016,
almost nothing was going right in my life.
all week, i moved my stuff.
it sucked.
that Friday evening I went the beer store.
the lineup was long.
a woman in line exhaled and said,
ughhh, it smells in here..
to nobody.
she waited a minute, then said it again
she sighed a third time, and started
'ughh it -
this guy turned around,
he took an big whiff, and said
ahhh! i think it smells great!
Everyone cracked up. It was awesome.
i love it here.
it did smell.
Toronto is huge.
it is nearly 25% of Canada.
it's not clear why people keep moving here,
but they do -
a few years ago,
people started saying North York
should have it's own NHL team,
and people were like, what?
Europeans think it's always winter,
and it barely snows
Americans think it's clean, and left wing.
and it's filthy and backward.
Canadians think it's all villanous bankers
but everyone is poor and in debt.
Torontonians think it's spoiled condo people,
man, it's not even close.
not even close.
not even a little.
it's just way weirder -
that's all.
I was at a park one sunday -
i looked over and there couple was getting married,
quietly, at the picnic table
they signed their papers, smiled and walked away.
There were about 30 people in the park,
nobody bothered them.
I thought about saying something, then didn't.
they seemed fine.
Toronto
I lived in montreal in my 20s,
I walked to catch a greyhound on the other end of town.
while I was walking, my backpack came open,
and I slowly lost everything in it, and nobody told me.
that's the difference
it's subtle.
population of toronto and montreal:
stanley cup wins:
toronto is awkward
there's this spot near cherry beach,
where everyone takes photos of the skyline,
and they say - wow, look at Toronto -
Toronto has a number of skyscrapers,
which constitute a paltry 15% of the city's housing:
24k in bay corridor
18k in church-yonge
10k in yorkville
- - - - -
= 52k people
which is about the capacity of the Roger's Center.
the vast, vast majority of people in Toronto
live in cramped, crumbly houses.
and have to duck to go to the bathroom.
Dave Eggers has this fantasy about a city
that decides to tear-down every building
and restart from scratch.
which would do us some good.
most buildings here are
the first buildings ever -
on that spot.
ever.
it was a forest, and then a pasture,
then that building.
toronto's housing seems to have been built by drunk people,
over a week in 1950,
and now we fight over it savagely.
NBA players get in their cars for each game,
and drive home on our shit highways.
There are very important people who live in Aurora & Vaughn.
Drake shoots a video downtown
then sits in traffic for a few hours.
The actual city has leaked,
and blended for kilometres
of unknowable, complex neighborhoods.
(blue won)
each year celebrities come to TIFF and say
Toronto is so charming!
and people clap, but um-
Toronto has a long history of cartoonish villains,
from 'bad boy' Lastman, to 'Honest Ed' Mirvish
the chainsaw guys, the racoons - the seediness is part of it.
what a foolish thing to say.
the truth is that positive stereotypes are
profoundly disrespectful things
Toronto plays itself as soul-destroyer in Goin down the road
the Withnail & I of Canadian cinema.
Toronto is nightmare fuel in enemy-
the truth is that Toronto is home
to a lot of progressive people
who have a Koi pond in the backyard,
and pay no taxes.
and home to a lot of progressive people
who are really angry
and desperately poor.
the truth is that Toronto
has not done anything brave or progressive,
actually ever.
the truth is that it's a pretty safe and weird place.
it's not for everyone.
Michael Tibollo describing wearing a bulletproof vest to visit Finch st.
I traveled europe and it did nothing for me.
some of the most-inspired moments of my life
have been while driving a 400-series highway.
the heart is stupid and it wants what it wants -
Everyone says this -
You can love Toronto,
but it will not love you back.
get what you can
