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Last year, I made a new-years resolution to describe my ideal computer -

- instead of just whining about it-

but the more I thought about it, the less I cared

which surprised me.

I mean,

tell me how a computer

could be better than this -

that's a bed for listening to music.

and that's the best way to listen to music.

you know when someone is really into politics,

and somebody points-out that your workplace and your landlord

actually effect your life way, way more,

than any government policy?

it's like that.

I thought I wanted a better computer, but realized I needed a better apartment.

a better computer would just mean using the computer more

and my shoulders already hurt.

I recommend looking through some of the responses to this

because you look at the usernames,

and these people are

creating the most important

software in the world.

our space-age computers, and the world's infrastructure,

are wobbling-around on pizza-cartons.

every nanometer of of an iphone is engineered meticulously,

but people just want a longer cord,

so they can rollover in bed

because their neck hurts.

I heard an interview once - it was a chef that said

when she sees people scarfing-down food on the subway,

that she actually weeps.

i feel the same way.

we should weep, because we are junk.

Tony Abraham's Ergonomic Desk Concepts

Zoë Smith's kneeling workspace

Ferdinand Ris's Sunball chair

Gravity chair by Peter Opsvik

Steve Mann's septambic keyer

concept from children of men

notable enjoyer of computers, Stephen Wolfram

sometimes I fantasize about having drinks with George Miller,

going late into the evening,

and talking to him about modern software:

and talk about how we've not organized our knowledge,

or even our language.

that we all just bailed on that-

seriously,

sorry!

these guys would be aghast.

that we’ve failed on every single one of these important problems.

the main reason

to build computers

in the first place

was to progress on the study of the human intellect.

most people came from psychology departments.

George -

the thing you don't realize...

is how important it is

that computers are pleasant to use -

These guys would think it's was wild

that we pay people

to make computers look nicer.

like computer users are babies

or fashion-snobs.

But really, it is important - in a embarrassing way - that software feels nice.

it is important that you need no manual.

it is important that interactions are clear.

it's weird.

sorry!

maybe this is the arc of computer development -

that computers are not really getting better,

but they are becoming more fashionable,

and maybe that's what we really wanted the whole time.

and we just didn't realize it

You hear all the time, in old-interviews -

people talk about wanting a computer watch.

that was the whole goal.

that was what we were building towards.

... but actually, those are awful.

you can find some of these linux-watches in thrift stores.

they're worth less than their batteries.

So what are we building now?

I don't actually know.

you give someone a clever virtual assistant

and they just try to break it.

they don't actually want it.

watching someone fall in love with a piece of software though,

that's a very nice thing

you'd show someone your blackberry,

and they wouldn't hand it back.

computers today do feel a lot more like furniture

than encyclopedias, or number-crunchers, or personal-assistants.

and we should try to make them a part of our homes.

maybe the loudest groan would come from Buckminster Fuller,

the way our computers are breathtaking,

and our refridgerators still rattle.

they way couples bring a laptop into bed,

to watch a movie

and it sits all-night, awkwardly between their legs,

glowing and buzzing,

and constantly exhaling.

or the way office workers sneak into the bathroom,

or the stairwells

to use their phones.

or to just think.

computers have just never become part of the house, or the workplace.

they became part of the house, like a mouse becomes part of the house.

Terence McKenna and his brother

can you imagine

if Google made a house?

it would be awful.

maybe the problem is

home automation -

adding motors to things in your home,

and asking them to perform a ritual -

like you're some kind of an egyptian king.

Computer interfaces are creative interfaces -

like a lake, a ball-pit, a musical instrument, or a human face.

If you're not playing with it,

your computer should sigh like a bored cam-girl.

I've seen careers lost to caffiene-based tony stark fantasies.

automation is an ego trap, and importantly a misunderstanding of computers.

There's also the dream of using a computer by waving your arms around

- like zuckerberg, and brett victor, and minority report.

which seems dreadful

- like doing work in a fitness class.

man - personally, i wanna melt into my work

- like a trucker melts into the road,

or a musician into an accordion.

i don't want to be more dilligent, or productive.

i want to finally think, for once.

I want a cockpit / panic room / bathtub.

a computer as a bdsm sling.

Some mothers will put a baby on a washing machine,

so it rocks them to sleep in a aspergers-way

- babies need that and so do adults.

I had a music teacher say that the best compliment you can give to a piece of music is to fall asleep to it.

I couldn't agree more.

any tool for thought should

resemble current tools for thought -

like a long train-ride, a warm shower,

or an empty highway.

it should resemble a new strange bed.

really-

the bed

is where our actual thinking gets done

and a computer

is where nobody thinks.

so why not.

i mean,

Apple made computers that we take into bed with us

tell that to someone in 1985, and watch them react -

they will crack up.

we're already huge creeps, man.

experts advise us to sleep 3ft from our computers,

and we're like,

umm interesting idea. thanks.

mine rests between my forehead and shoulder, most nights

i have a gentle audiobook on

it's nice.

we're already losers. we're super-weird.

I'm 37.

I've worked at a dozen startups.

all have these bright, young, office workers

- slouching in front of a mouse.

using antagonistic software.

it's actually heartbreaking.

If we want to get good at our jobs,

we've gotta change.

and we've gotta get weird.

Today we celebrate that hockey goalie who first put on a face mask-

without acknowledging we are goalies without a face mask.

asmr office massages at the goDaddy workplace

computers are just starting.

we are not at the end.

the way computers are going to win more territory in our lives

is not through coersion, or pressure -

but by being emotional and evocative -

the way that beautiful movies are -

but way more.

We will enter computers,

because the people who don't are heartless.

and sometimes ergonomics are ... just that good.

one day we may go into space, just for the ergonomics

a computer as a waterbed-

but a tube.

I laugh at people who get too precious about their computers,

but at the same time,

i think that success in computer interfaces

would actually free us from the cycle of confusion, helplessness, and misunderstanding

that we've suffered from for a thousand generations.

i think computers are pretty real.

Jeff Bezos also talks about a civilization that

allows for 100 mozarts, and 200 beethovens.

and I get what he's getting at-

but really- you get more mozarts when you have better tooling.

a computer you can use all day and then all night, and then tomorrow.

the sarcasm right now is understandable,

but don't forget how transformative

an ideal computer would be.

and that we have no idea what this will look like

likely, the current world does not resemble it at all.