i'm sorry if you know this stuff. nobody ever told me.

1) Cows:
cows are going to make milk, no matter what.
they are very good at it, they have bags.
🐄
Milk
(like, right from a cow)
    → Heat
    Clotted Cream
    → Skimming
    Milk (2%)
    Whole Milk (3%) (AKA homo!)
    Coffee cream (20%)
    Whip cream (30%)
      → Churning
      Butter (100%)
      → Fermentation
      Sour Cream (20%)
    → Rennet
    Cottage cheese (30%)
      → Salt
      Feta
      → Weird Bacteria
      Blue cheese (50%)
    → Bacteria
    Yoghurt
    Kefir
    Curds
    Cream cheese

milk makes all of this stuff!

it's nuts!

nobody told me this.

it seems weird that we put butter on toast, you know? we could just put a TONNE of milk on it. ― ―― ――― if you think about it, bread is made with milk and eggs, so if you make french toast, you're cooking milk and eggs, putting in more milk and eggs, and cooking it again. then putting on some butter. french toast is a cow.

2) Dusty plants:

when you crush something up, it's called flour. What?! Right? again, sorry if you knew this. and this - A MILL is just something that goes around and around. AND MAKES FLOUR. all these places, called 'something mill', that's cause they had this thing that spins around, like a little wood computer. to crush things. and if it's powered by the wind, it is... ...a WIND MILL admit it, you did not know this either. ...right?
a Mill →
Corn
tortillas
Rice
japanese pastries
Wheat
every bread, ever
... whole wheat?!
Barley
actually, not a lot
Oats
oatmeal!
Rye
Rye bread

3) Sauce :

ok,
i once, on a lark, threw some milk into a pan.
like, 'fuck you, milk!'
the hilarious part was that it turned-out amazing.
a spice is not really anything. It's a plant seed, usually.
people used to really care about these taste-a-lot plants.
many actual-wars were foodie-wars.
it only seems silly to actually fight a war over a spice,
in the same way it now seems silly to
fist-fight in a wal-mart
for a tickle-me-elmo.
in the way that wine-snobs routinely fail blind-fold tests,
today most people do not pay attention to, and cannot identify, spices.
Most foods contain a smattering of spices, in a sort of feature creep.
- if you like 5 spices, you'll LOVE 6 spices.
When someone does it in india, it's called curry.
When someone with a Phd does it, it's called artificial flavouring.
if you pour it on a salad, it's a 'dressing'.
nobody is quite sure if people get way-too-much, or way-not-enough spices in their diet.
it's all quite depressing, really
I like chips, and their flavouring.
chips have spices on them!
barbeque is red because of these bad-boys:
bell pepper
pepper-dust is called 'paprika'
for some reason.
often spices will have a different name than the actual plant it's from.
frequently, a large jar of spice will be (much) cheaper than one plant itself.
i once had a friend that read a magazine on drugs,
and couldn't believe how there was so much work on each page.
that the graphic designers drop shadows, align colors with surprise and delicate expertise.
maybe there's room for us to go -'whoa, spices' next time we're in the baking isle:
bell pepper
they're weird.

4) Oil :

Oil is gross. when I was a child, i couldn't believe people would pour it on their food. man, you fucking sickos. try making some oil, really. It's impossible. it takes 90 olives to make a stir-fry. I once tried making orange juice from oranges it was a fucking disaster. I once tried actually learning about shampoo, and how they all work. that was a disaster too. likewise, just nothing makes sense. Nutrition is a shit-show, everyone knows that. but it's at it's most senseless when it comes to cooking oil. I'm sorry.
Olive
Palm
Canola
Sunflower
Grapeseed
(grapeseed oil is just made from the seeds of grapes)
we usually eat grapes that don't have seeds,
but I guess they sorted that out.
take this one:
1920s: 'ew gross! science!' 1950s: 'improved oil! science!' 1980s: 'ew gross! science!' apparently it's bad. Cottonseed apparently it's bad.
― ― ― ― ― ― but oil tastes good. ― ― ――
and also, there is a good argument that people in the west are suffering from fatty-acid deficiencies. basically not even enough of the stuff. people that eat fish-oil are basically winning at nutrition.
we should accept that nature does not exist.

i think this is a realistic, and mature way to interpret food, and cooking. understand cooking with embarrassing realism and acknowledge a deep intentional deceit. and shocking ignorance even among bright people do not fear being alienated from a world that never existed or regret our clueless bodies, which have always struggled.